MINISTRY OF ED PLANS ETROGENEOUS SUCOT

Succot Holidays are almost here, but we won't be seeing the traditional four species, not if Minister of Education Yuli Tamir has her way. Instead of shaking the Lulav (palm frond, bound to myrtle, and willow branches, paired with an Etrog) we'll be shaking up a spray can of Succot Holiday foam. "The old three species were not in keeping with the department's educational policies, Ms Tamir , who holds the patent rights under the brand name 'Pre-Ates Tamir, told our reporter.' I used to see those Sherut Leumi girls prance into our schools with all these branches, and I was sure they were going to brainwash our innocent pupils into planting them on stolen land. Then I found out that the five species represent different kinds of Jews: fruit eaters, insect eaters, seed eaters -- no, those are Darwin's finches. I know: I had a Rabbi tattoo it on my right shoulder... just a minute... OK: The Etrog is the Jews who have Tora learning and good deeds. The date palm is those who has good deeds, the myrtle, the ones with only learning and the willow don't have doodly squat.

HVH: Well, what's wrong with that?






4 species in militant
ritual, imperialistic ritual;
not in our schools!

YUT: I'll tell you what's wrong with that: It's discriminatory. The Etrog and and the Myrtle are hogging fifty per cent of the show, when only 15% of population has any Torah learning. And as for good deeds: -- the only deeds that are any good today are in Ehud's Jerusalem real estate deals. I don't mind if the pupils in our schools are shaking 15% Etrog and Myrtle; I first thought of mixing them into a paste they could spread on crackers during their lunchbreak. Then I had a better idea: We grind up enough palm fronds and willow and put it all in a ... spray can and let them Schpritz each other.
HVH: What's festive about that?


.

YUT: What do you mean? It's one of our most holy modern rituals. What do kids do on Yom Haatsmaut? Eh?

Besides, it's cleaning up the environment. After all, we're converting all the Kibbutz Jordan river property into hi -rise socialist condominiums, so there's lots of surplus willow and palm.

HVH: Thank you, Ms Tamir and Shanna Tova.
YUT: You're so chauvinistic, mentioning only the Jewish Holidays! I want to wish all my Muslim friends a Ramadan ChocolatKareem, to all Christians a Happy Play Dough Day ( see link below, ed:) and if there are any Jewish people listening, Gamoor Fateemma Tofu.

confiscated palm tusks; the poachers

first shoot the mother

. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/365928/odd_and_highly_unusual_september_holidays.html